Sunday, April 26, 2009

Came back from sesshin (a meditation retreat) It was nothing like I expected at all. I'll admit, in my ignorance, I thought "I've been doing this meditation thing for like half a year now. I'm a pro! This should be easy and everyone else is going to sit in awe of me" Like I said, this was not what I expected.

At first, I was positively terrified. I was surrounded by people who had been meditating for and years and decades. They were so at peace in their sitting, and I for some reason lost the ability to even follow my breath or sit without destroying my back. I imagined that they were all judging me, and that as soon as sesshin was over they would talk on their car rides home about that kid in the third row who totally was definitely not a good Zen student. About half way through I realized the voices of judgment were not the other people at the retreat, it was me. By the end, I was glad that I went. The other meditators were not there to look down on my lack of polish, they were there to support me. I know that sounds corny, but it's true.

I also learned that enlightenment is like taking a shit, but that's a post for another time.

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